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Post by Edward Cullen on Jul 31, 2008 17:58:21 GMT -6
had I known how to save a life,
And I would have stayed up with you all night
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Darkness lapped around him and his glorious god-like self. Slowly he realized he was succumbing, into a darkened abysss -- gradually, closer and closer after each second passed by. To him, nothing made sense anymore. His mind was jumbled with thoughts and his legs moved at the speed of light, racing after something entirely important. The thing that he was determined get. His eyes were wide opened, nearly as dark as the wisps of midnight-black lashing around his moving body. No sound emitted from him as he ran, leisurely quickening his pace by lengthening his stride coyly. The thing before him ran for its dear life, its hoofs pounding against the ground noisily -- as if it had no care in the world if it was being silent or utterly silent. But the end was advancing quickly and within a few seconds, Edward made his fatal move. He lunged forward, pointed teeth flashing in the light and they quickly attached to the animals neck. Immediately a crimson substance pooled over, streaming down the brown neck. His eyes closed in sheer pleasure as he dug his teeth deeper, sucking lethally. Sucking its life away. But when he looked down, the body was not one of an animal. But instead, a heartbreakingly familiar fair-skinned brunette.
The sound of a hawk screaming in the distance jolted him to the present time. Edward blinked furiously, thinking of his day dream he just had. He couldn't dream, like all vampires, but he was frequently daydreaming. And most of them were not pleasant, just like his most recent one. The mere thought of it sent tremors trembling down his spine. Such horrid things to think about! Edward chastised himself silently while he was in the process of straightening up, running his long, pale fingers through his tousled brown hair.
He knew the daydream was a false. For he had just hunted a few days ago, his eyes would still be golden. With a sigh, Edward set his feet down on the ground and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his bent knees. Edward buried his face in his granite hands and exhaled sharply, his cool breath hitting his wintry hands. Maybe he was becoming paranoid. Paranoid because Jane was here. He couldn't trust her. It was that simple. Edward had been on the verge of killing Jane only a week ago. And now? It seemed as if she had been in this family for a life time -- literally. She felt right at home but Edward wasn't adapting to the changes as well as the others were. Rosalie and Alice found Jane useful -- especially for their occasional shopping trips and constant dress up games. Emmett and Jasper mostly paid no mind -- something that Edward had tried countless times before but had miserably failed.
The wedding was approaching with an astonishing speed. It nearly caught him by surprise. Truthfully he was excited by it. It would be the day that Bella would be his officially, no hotheaded werewolf to worry about then. And of course Bella's needs would be fulfilled, no matter how hard Edward had tried to postpone it. After all, he couldn't go back on his word. No, not to Bella. She wanted him and he wanted her, though he was constantly fearing that somehow he would hurt her.
Pressing his lips together, he raised his head and instead rested his chin in his cupped hands. Normally Bella would've been cuddling to his side, her warm, delicate body fluctuating with the frequent breathing. Edward had long become attuned to her heart beat, her laugh, her voice, her everything. Sure, some people may have even considered him obsessed. But his family looked at it more like -- helplessly in love. Bella and Edward's love for each other was undeniable and irrevocable. There was no way around it.
He would always treasure the day he had first saved her from that truck. Not her, not her had been the actual though going through his head at the time. And he hadn't thought of his actions nor had he considered his consequences if anybody saw. Nobody did..well, except Bella. But now she knew, so it was sorted out. Only a few more weeks and he and Bella would be hitched. Edward had everything planned out. Absolutely everything. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, Alice was a good wedding planner. She had the guest list prepared, the food they would be serving..everything. She had even mentioned Bella's dress though she gave no physical description of it in her mind. Edward supposed he would have to wait till the day of.
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His eyes flickered up to the stair case as he swiftly lost his train of thoughts. The sound of foot steps had distracted him and his muscles tensed. However he almost immediately slackened his position, he knew who it was already by the thoughts. Esme. A smile formed on his lips. Perhaps a talk was what he needed right now. Esme had proved herself worthy to talk to over decades, and she was right. Edward had never been surprised when she actually listened to his quick words. Sometimes she even asked questions. He would put it past Rosalie to listen. Or Emmett, for that matter.
"Esme?" He called softly, his voice ringing around the main room like velvet. Edward couldn't even conjure a time of where he had shown any emotion besides friendliness or affection to Esme. She was, fortunately, his mother. And therefore had he always felt a bit protective of her.
tagged to ;; esme cullen !
theme song ;; how to save a life - the fray !
location ;; home on my lazy ass at the computer. xD
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Post by Esme Cullen on Jul 31, 2008 19:11:46 GMT -6
"Esme?" A soft, voice, musical and cadenced, echoed up through three floors to where Esme was, walking across the dark wooden floorboards toward the staircase. She had decided it was about time to do another load of laundry, since she was bored and her closet was only three quarters full of clean clothes, which was unacceptable. She was sure that the rest of her family had some clothes to wash, and had been heading over to Edward's room to see if he had any laundry when his voice resonated, its perfect clarity not marred by the 3 floors that separated them. She smiled, an unconscious reaction, a reflex, and she altered her direction, doubling back toward the grand wooden staircase that lead down to the first floor, where she knew her beautiful, bronze-haired son would be sitting. Silently, she quickly ascended the two story stair case, and her topaz gaze quickly searched the living room for mere nanoseconds before she caught sight of Edward, sitting on one of the long, pale leather couched arranged casually in front of the big-screen TV. The sunlight than shone through the southern wall of windows glinted off his hair, though there wasn't enough light that his pale skin sparkled.
She was a little surprised to see him without Bella, though. They seemed to be a together a lot, as of late, and Esme attributed that to, A) the fact that Edward seemed unwilling to let her out of eyesight now that Jane of the Volturi had become part of the Cullen family and B) since their wedding was mere weeks away, it would be reasonable to assume they would have to rein Alice in. Somebody had to. She sighed as she became aware of his posture; it was tensed, not unusual, since he seemed to be agitated a lot lately, but it contrasted sharply with the casual tone of his voice when he called her name. His face was wrong, too. Something she couldn't place seemed just under the surface of his calm facade. She frowned -the expression pulling down the corners of her pale mouth in a way that seemed out of place on her usually smiling lips- as she walked over to where Edward sat, a motionless marble statue, on the creamy leather couch.
"What's wrong, Edward?" Esme's soft, musical voice was tinged heavily with concern and worry as she sat down fluidly beside her son, placing a hand on his shoulder. Her gaze searched his remote face trying to place the odd expression in his light butterscotch eyes. The fact that she couldn't seem to identify the unknown emotion worried her even more. He should be... not entirely happy, since she hadn't seen that expression on Edward's face in the last few weeks, but at least reasonably amiable, considering the fact he was getting married to his true love in less than a month. As was her motherly habit, Esme mulled worriedly over what could be wrong while she waited for Edward's reply. [/color][/size]
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Post by Edward Cullen on Jul 31, 2008 20:30:07 GMT -6
had I known how to save a life,
And I would have stayed up with you all night
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His eyes lingered on Esme politely as she seated herself, concern slapped on her face. Sometimes her sincere worry and concern touched him; perhaps a decade or so, it did. But now it was something that he had always expected when he met Esme. Esme was definitely fit to be a mother, to all of them; even Bella. Though a guilty, lurking feeling at the pit of his stomach hoped Esme wasn't acting too much of a mother to Jane. After all, the new vampire did just arrive. He wasn't jealous, no. He just rather behaved in an impolite, hostile manner towards the child-like vampire.
"What's wrong, Edward?"
He wanted to tell her everything. Absolutely everything. The constant daydreams, worrying, fear, paranoia. Would Esme understand? Edward fathomed she would. Clearing his throat, he leaned back, a minuscule smile plastered on his marble smooth face. Esme had sometimes been an adherent for Edward -- nearly always. And for that, he was grateful. Embracing his thoughts again -- he realized how Esme's voice somehow adorned the tense atmosphere; so did she. Edward's smile only stretched wider at that mere thought, mainly because it was so undeniably true. Anybody could have an affinity for the soft-hearted, motherly Esme. Even the toughest of werewolves.
Hesitating, he righted himself and angled his head to stare evenly at Esme, her golden eyes protruding -- gentle. Pressing his lips together, his continuous thoughts reeled back to him. Was this really such a good idea? Edward thought so -- besides, didn't she deserve something? At least -- an explanation to his rather agitated behavior lately.
And so he spilled out everything. All his worries. Fears. How he didn't want Jane here because he was constantly preparing to attack her just in case. How he wanted to be better, better at controlling himself around the newest edition to the family. Everything. Even about his frequent daydreams. "-- I don't know, they keep coming back to me. I don't what it means? Do you suppose it's just because of all the emotions I've been feeling lately? I mean -- I want to be a bit..kinder to Jane but I find that incredibly and immensely hard to do. I already know Jasper's getting tired of me and my feelings. But, honestly, I can't help it. As you know, my wedding is coming soon and I think Jane knows about that already. I just can't seem to trust her.." He trailed off, convincing himself that he already went to far. Ashamed, he looked at her heart-shaped face and concealed his frown threatening to appear.
notes ! ;; weird.weird.weird.
listening to ! ;; headlock - imogen heap.
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Post by Esme Cullen on Jul 31, 2008 21:41:29 GMT -6
"-- I don't know, they keep coming back to me. I don't what it means? Do you suppose it's just because of all the emotions I've been feeling lately? I mean -- I want to be a bit..kinder to Jane but I find that incredibly and immensely hard to do. I already know Jasper's getting tired of me and my feelings. But, honestly, I can't help it. As you know, my wedding is coming soon and I think Jane knows about that already. I just can't seem to trust her.." Esme listened intently as Edward explained what was bothering him. As he went on, she found she could completely understand why he had seemed so distant, constantly on edge and agitated. She hadn't looked at the situation from his perspective before. He stopped abruptly, meeting her probing gaze, looking... ashamed?
"Well," She began uncertainly, unsure of where to start. "Maybe you're having these... nightmare-daydream things... because of the wedding. Well, not the wedding, but what happens... after. You fear hurting Bella and you haven't really been paying attention to that aspect of the wedding, have you? I'd imagine this Jane predicament is occupying your mind so much that you don't really think of much else..." She trailed off uncertainly, fidgeting with a couch cushion, hoping she hadn't said something would upset her son. She paused, again, the silence that hung in the air an uncomfortable, impatient kind, as she ordered her thoughts. "I can see why you can't seem to trust Jane. She has caused so much more... grief for you than she has me. Nobody could expect you to be best friends with her, not after all the animosity between the two of you. Time will only tell if she's trustworthy. It must be hard, to go from being sworn enemies one day, to having to live in the same house the next. But, for now, I think it's right for you to be cautious,"She finished, feeling a tad... corny about the whole thing. Everything that had just came out of her mouth seemed to belong in some sappy inspirational speech the humans were so fond of making -when they weren't at war with each other. Esme bit her lip, unsure of Edward's reaction. He would probably be listening to her thoughts, as well as her words, though she had said everything she'd been thinking of. Wow, that was corny. Even for me... She masked a grimace as she thought those words. [/size][/color]
ooc//*facepalm* Ew. It's horrible.
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Post by Edward Cullen on Aug 3, 2008 17:15:46 GMT -6
had I known how to save a life,
And I would have stayed up with you all night
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[/font]
"Maybe you're having these... nightmare-daydream things... because of the wedding. Well, not the wedding, but what happens... after. You fear hurting Bella and you haven't really been paying attention to that aspect of the wedding, have you? I'd imagine this Jane predicament is occupying your mind so much that you don't really think of much else..."
His brows pushed together, lines of consideration appearing on the marble surface of his forehead. Involuntarily he clenched his fist, his knuckles turning whiter than they already were. His eyes were unfocused as he stared out the tinted window, dark eyes unfathomable. Would he actually harm Bella because Jane was causing him a desperate anger? A low, throaty growl built up quietly. "I'd rather die than harm Bella. Ever." He paused suddenly, rethinking his words. Well, there was a false word in it. Dead, he fathomed that his endearing mother would skip over that and otherwise thoroughly understand his intention. "No," He corrected her abruptly, his voice low with a hint of a guttural growl in it. "I'm thinking of Bella, too." he muttered seriously, his jaw tightening. Edward didn't know how he could possibly act like this towards Esme but currently it seemed like she was the only one who could possibly understand. With a shuddering breath emitting from him, he glanced at Esme apologetically. "Sorry, Esme. I didn't mean to offend you in any way at all." He managed to say, forcing a tiny smile to appear on his translucent face.
"I can see why you can't seem to trust Jane. She has caused so much more... grief for you than she has me. Nobody could expect you to be best friends with her, not after all the animosity between the two of you. Time will only tell if she's trustworthy. It must be hard, to go from being sworn enemies one day, to having to live in the same house the next. But, for now, I think it's right for you to be cautious,"
One perfect brow curved upward questoningly as he gazed at his mother silently. Finally he said: "Grief? More like impenetrable anger, Esme." His correction was a small one but enough to get the burning fire in his eyes again. Swallowing hard, he leaned forward again, burying his face in his hands again almost helplessly. "It is hard. You have absolutely no idea how hard I'm trying, how hard I'm trying to make an effort to not snap at her every time she thinks of Bella. Or when she walks by me, it's taking all my self-control. Sometimes I wish at least somebody could actually hear what she had thought about Bella before, the things she thought of doing to her. Unbearable torture, Esme." His voice wa strained, his throat burning as if somebody poured dancing flames down it. Thirst. He made no sound at her thought, only glanced at her with darkening eyes. He wasn't lying when he had said that it was taking all his self-control.
notes ! ;; eh.
listening to ! ;; you found me - kelly clarkson.
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Post by Esme Cullen on Aug 3, 2008 21:22:01 GMT -6
"I'd rather die than harm Bella. Ever." Edward's voice was unusually hard, defensive, as he replied to Esme's words. She understood perfectly well that he would never harm Bella, and she hadn't meant for her words to be taken as such. [/color]"I know that, Edward. I wasn't insinuating that you would harm Bella," She interjected quietly, her voice so low she could barely hear it herself. She glanced at Edward again as he spoke, taken aback at his low, harsh voice, a growl filling its usual musical innotation. She frowned at this, but inwardly knew that his anger wasn't directed at her; it was just frustration, and her ill-timed words obviously hadn't helped. "No, I'm thinking of Bella, too." A pause, while Esme took sudden interest in her fingernails and Edward seemed to hear his words through the perspective of her thoughts. His voice was apologetic when he spoke again. "Sorry, Esme. I didn't mean to offend you in any way at all." There was a tiny, apologetic on his lips as her turned to face her, and his eyes were softer than they had been before. Esme took a tiny breath, returning the tiny smile. "It's okay, Edward. No offense taken," She said softly, glancing up at her son understandingly. She understood that his tension, and anger, wasn't directed at her. Her badly chosen words, however, certainly hadn't helped.
"Grief? More like impenetrable anger, Esme. It is hard. You have absolutely no idea how hard I'm trying, how hard I'm trying to make an effort to not snap at her every time she thinks of Bella. Or when she walks by me, it's taking all my self-control. Sometimes I wish at least somebody could actually hear what she had thought about Bella before, the things she thought of doing to her. Unbearable torture, Esme." His eyes hardened with anger, and hatred, almost visibly blackening, as he spoke of Jane and the effort it took him to listen to her thinking of Bella. His piercing gaze was now onyx; he would have to hunt soon. Esme twirled a strand of her caramel hair around her long white fingers as she listened intently to his explanation, concentrating on his words, trying to find some way to comfort him. But she had never been in such a situation before, and her thoughts were horribly tangled as she considered Edward's predicament: he couldn't ignore Jane's thoughts, but he couldn't live with them either. It was draining him to have to be constantly around Jane, to hear her thoughts about Bella. Limited contact with Jane might help, but that was nearly impossible when they lived in the same house. As Esme pondered a way out, she was surprised when Edward buried his head in his hands, struck by... how helpless and vulnerable he looked like that. She was shocked. Esme bit her lip, undecided; should she talk, try to comfort him, as she had before? She shook her head. She wasn't the best at choosing words. Or should she stay quiet? That wouldn't do either. This truly was a sticky predicament, but she decided to talk, hoping her words would come out right.
"I understand... why you feel the way you do about Jane, and why it is hard to... stay in control around her. It is extremely, impossibly, difficult to even try to show some shred of civility or politeness, some scrap of friendliness toward someone who probably doesn't deserve it, and, who you are not only sworn enemies with, but someone who was also hellbent on taking away or hurting the one who meant most to you. Both of you usually vented your frustration on each other. And now you are thrown into a situation that requires you to act decently, diplomatically, to overlook the deeds and actions that cannot be undone, that have already turned you permanently and irreversibly against Jane. I can't blame you for that. I would do the same. But, just like our diet, it will take some getting used to. No one is asked you to be best friends with her, understandably, and we respect that you can't just alter your feelings toward her like that," She took a deep breath, hoping that her words made half the sense they did in her mind, hoping that Edward would understand them and not take them wrongly. She sighed, a line of worry appearing in her usually smooth brow. She could only hope that her beautiful son wouldn't misconstrue her words. "Just try, Edward. I know you are, I know you can and will do the right thing. I know it's hard, believe me, I understand. All I can ask of you is to do whatever you have to, to stay, and know that no one thinks badly of you for any of this." And I'm so very, very sorry if my words... cause you any undue strain, or anger. I don't mean for any of this to be taken offensively. I'm trying to help, Edward. I am truly sorry for any anger, or stress I've caused you with my words... She smiled softly, hoping that he would understand, but not dwell, on her words. This conversation was about him, not her, and she would not direct it as such. She would try to help him through this, no matter how long it would take. Esme hesitated, about to reach out a pat his shoulder, but she pulled her hand back, twining it together with her other hand in her lap. She longed to comfort him. It broke her heart to see him like this, and she vowed right there that she would never see him like this again. She wouldn't let him become this, ever. Nobody should have to try so hard just to remain in control around someone who would never return the effort. Jane was obviously either oblivious to Edward's effort, since she still thought about Bella, or she did it on purpose, to annoy him. Whichever reason it was, Esme didn't care. But she knew that she couldn't help Edward on that account; he'd have to work that out with Jane himself.
ooc// Wow, I hope that made any sense, however remote. It made sense in my head, which is a rarety.... o.O If it doesn't, tell me... =] [/font][/size][/color]
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Post by Edward Cullen on Aug 7, 2008 20:28:00 GMT -6
had I known how to save a life,
And I would have stayed up with you all night
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[/font]
His mind was a jumbled mess. Jammed with Esmes affectionate thoughts, and the unimportant ones of his siblings. Though there was only set of sinister thoughts that he wanted to end dearly. Jane. Jane Volturi. Not a Cullen, a Volturi. There was probably no reason for him to behave like such a fool, but after every bad dream Bella had had about Jane and the Volturi. Edward assumed that Jane needed to pay for all the times she kept Bella writhing in her dreams. And almost everything it made him cringe at the thought. Nothing hurt him more than Bella's pain or fear. He wanted so badly to end her fears and reassure her that everything was alright, but how could he when his family was watching him with severe, cold eyes? Edward would never escape from his sea of thoughts, he was so often sucked into the deepest end. The blackness washed over him, closing him from reality temporarily. He no longer heard Esmes or her thoughts, he just stared unseeingly ahead; lost in thought.
Seconds passed by, they seemed more like hours, when he finally lifted his head and pushed his eyebrows together. He had came up with constant blanks. How could anyone expect him to act so kindly towards Jane? If they did, they were probably blind to the world around them. Edward detested Jane with every ounce of hatred. The things she planned to do with Bella! I should've killed her the first chance I had, He thought solemnly. At least, it would've saved him from this contradiction. But then again -- how could Carlisle refuse to accept Jane? Edward would've told her to make a den for herself in Canada if he were in charge.
Honey-gold eyes flashed over to his compassionate mother and he blinked furiously, a human habit he had picked up.
"I understand... why you feel the way you do about Jane, and why it is hard to... stay in control around her. It is extremely, impossibly, difficult to even try to show some shred of civility or politeness, some scrap of friendliness toward someone who probably doesn't deserve it, and, who you are not only sworn enemies with, but someone who was also hellbent on taking away or hurting the one who meant most to you. Both of you usually vented your frustration on each other. And now you are thrown into a situation that requires you to act decently, diplomatically, to overlook the deeds and actions that cannot be undone, that have already turned you permanently and irreversibly against Jane. I can't blame you for that. I would do the same. But, just like our diet, it will take some getting used to. No one is asked you to be best friends with her, understandably, and we respect that you can't just alter your feelings toward her like that,"
His head was already bobbing up and down willingly as he considered her wise words. Leaning back in the leather seat, he pursed his lips and stared ahead, not acknowledging her words for a few dragging minutes. Every word that had flowed fluently out of her mouth was all very true, every single syllable rang with intuition. A sigh shuddered from him and he ran his fingers casually through his bronze hair. "Do you?" He challenged lightly to her first spoken words, golden eyes unnecessarily cold. Of course, he didn't want to offend his mother but she understood the emotions that came channeling out of him. But he just couldn't imagine Esme hating someone with such a burning intensity. The same intensity he had for Jane, the hatred he felt for her was forever impenetrable. "It's going to take nearly an eternity for me to even begin to consider forgiving her, Esme. Bella used to be scared stiff of Jane, I didn't want Bella to see that one time at the Volturi when Jane used her power against me. Bella's face at that time will forever haunt me, such pain and fear she had conveyed on her face! I know fully well that accepting her into the family was the right decision, but I can't even stand to be so near her sinister thoughts. It's her thoughts, Esme, not her I hate. Or at least, that's what I think. If Jane had had better thoughts hoarded in that one particular time, or if she had expressed a bit more politeness instead of hostility towards Bella, then maybe I could begin to like her as a sister. Maybe then I would accept her but after everything she has done to Bella and this family? No, such a thing isn't possible to me anymore." His voice came out softer, finally easing into a more relaxed state. This conversation would have to end sooner or later, so why prolong the inevitable?
He didn't answer to her next set of words, he just nodded mutely. Yes, he would have to try better. And perhaps he could hunt more often, though that would keep him away from Bella. Esme's thoughts had him looking over at her with pronounced affection, "No, Esme. I can't even imagine being frustrated with you. All you're trying to do is help. I understand that completely. "
notes ! ;; even though I'm listening to muse, I have none.
listening to ! ;; time is running out - muse.
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Post by Esme Cullen on Aug 14, 2008 21:28:57 GMT -6
"Do you?" Edward’s words and tone challenged Esme’s first words. His eyes flashed over to her for an instant, their golden depths icy. Raising one eyebrow, she spared a glance in Edward’s direction. “Yes,” She said, a wry smile twitching on her lips. “More than you would think.” She nodded slightly, and her thoughts turned for a second to her husband, in a past life: Charles Evenson. That was really the only person she had ever hated -loathed might have been a better word- with such a passion, like Edward hated Jane. That man was to epitome of everything she loathed. Her human memories were fuzzy, distorted through the years, but she remembered the hatred for Charles with blinding clarity. Her lips pursed momentarily into a tense line, before Edward spoke again. Turning her full attention to her son, she tilted her head to one side, listening intently.
"It's going to take nearly an eternity for me to even begin to consider forgiving her, Esme. Bella used to be scared stiff of Jane, I didn't want Bella to see that one time at the Volturi when Jane used her power against me. Bella's face at that time will forever haunt me, such pain and fear she had conveyed on her face! I know fully well that accepting her into the family was the right decision, but I can't even stand to be so near her sinister thoughts. It's her thoughts, Esme, not her I hate. Or at least, that's what I think. If Jane had had better thoughts hoarded in that one particular time, or if she had expressed a bit more politeness instead of hostility towards Bella, then maybe I could begin to like her as a sister. Maybe then I would accept her but after everything she has done to Bella and this family? No, such a thing isn't possible to me anymore." Esme nodded at Edward’s words. It was understandable that Jane would never be accepted into the Cullen family, not wholly. It was practically impossible. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Edward relax, finally, and she breathed a silent sigh of relief. He would never truly accept Jane into the family, that much was a given. All she wanted was for him to relax, to be his normal, beautiful self. Finally, he seemed to be himself again. There was no trace of anxiety or stress in his now tranquil features. She smiled softly now, patting his shoulder again and exhaling the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. “You don’t have to fully accept Jane, Edward. Just try not to rip her head off.” Esme sighed, worry returning to her features, as Edward spoke again.
"No, Esme. I can't even imagine being frustrated with you. All you're trying to do is help. I understand that completely,” Edward said, his eyes affectionate as he turned his gaze to Esme. She smiled again, “Then I’m glad I could be of some importance.” She turned her gaze away from him again, to look down at her hands. You feeling a little better? At all? She thought randomly after the room had gone silent. She hoped that, at least, she could have made some small improvement in his life by existing. After all, that was a mother’s job, was it not?
ooc// Sorry it took so long to reply. Museless... >.<
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