better as a memory ;jasper;;

[Esme Cullen]

Esme was sitting outside on the porch, enjoying the fall scenery. No matter how many falls she had seen, the changing of the seasons still fascinated her. A million different scents swirled in the air, all combining to form the delicious perfume of fall. She could taste the leaves in the air, the damp earth, and the lingering, sweet scent of vampire, the different animals that scurried about in the forest. . . Everything. The changing leaves, fading from the vibrant greens, to pale yellows, and reds. Watching the leaves as they fell slowly from their high perches on the trees, drifting toward earth, seemingly unaffect by the pull of gravity as they danced eathward at their own pace. The yard was covered in a rainbow of leaves, different sizes and shapes, all different colors, not one the same. Unique.

Just like her children. Esme sighed, thinking of all her adoptive children. Alice. . . Edward. . . Rosalie. . . Emmett. . . Jasper. . . Jasper. She hadn't spoken to him in a while, and her heart, though long silent, suddenly ached. She missed Jasper. Her marble brow furrowed, and she shivered involutarily, despite the fact that she was perfectly toasty warm in the cool autumn air. [/color]

[jasperhale]

It was just one of those days.One of those annoying days where every second seems like an hour and nothing can hold Your attention long enough.It was only around 10am and Jasper was already regretting the fact that He couldn't sleep.The house was empty except for Him and Esme.It was boring in this house ... No.Boring wasn't the right word.Lonely was better.He missed Alice and Esme probably wanted some time alone.
And yet just maybe She was feeling as bored and lonely as He was.

A wave of longing washed over Jasper and it was obvious Esme was feeling the same.It had to have been a few days since He had even talked to Esme or anyone besides His wife and brothers.Why hadn't He talked to Esme?The fact that He was being distant was probably hurting Her..
Jasper made His way outside to where Esme was sitting . "Would You mind if I joined You?"He asked quietly.The autumnal breeze playing with His wavy honey blonde hair.

[Esme Cullen]

"Would you mind if I joined you?" Jasper's voice floated on an autumn breeze to Esme from the front door. Even though she had heard his quite, whispering footsteps, she was still quite surprised to see him. She had missed her son.

"No, no of course not. You’re just the person I wanted to see,” Esme said, a warm smile pulling her perfect pale lips up at the corners, her golden topaz eyes warming at the sight of her son. She absently patted the chair to her right, smiling warmly up at Jasper.

ooc;; gah, so short. >.< [/color]

[jasperhale]

Jasper smiled softly , moving to sit down next to Esme.The area fell silent once more as the two just sat together , enjoying the autumn scenery.This had to have gone on for around twenty minutes before Jasper decided to break the silence of the atmosphere."..I'm sorry Esme.I've been asking extremely distant and I didn't realise that it was hurting You.Can You forgive Me?"He asked , in an even quieter tone than usual.Jasper hated to upset anyone , especially Esme or Alice.The feeling of guilt always stayed with Him for sometimes even days after , during which He would rather be left alone.Yet wasn't He just apologising for being distant?

[Esme Cullen]

The fall scenery was gorgeous, made even better as Jasper's calming presence made Esme feel at ease. The past 2 weeks of constant hostility rolling in waves off Edward and Jane had been relentless, a draining source of worry for her. The hate and anger that her big white house had been host to was horrible; it wearied Esme, making her feel constantly tired and worried about the state of her family. Jane had not been widely accepted by the Cullens, and this worried her more. All in all, the relentless worry, anger, sadness, and hostility she'd been witness to in the past weeks had taken their toll on the motherly vampire. And the calmness that swirled in the air now unknotted tense muscles, and finally managed to drive the incessant worry from her mind. It helped her relax.

"..I'm sorry Esme. I've been asking extremely distant and I didn't realise that it was hurting you. Can you forgive me?" Jasper's smooth, quiet voice broke the peaceful silence after a while. Immediately, worry gnawed at her stomach again, and she turned to face her son, her eyes repentant and soft. “It’s okay, honey. None of this is your fault. I’ve just been worried about. . . Other things. Of course I forgive you. How could I not?” She said, her soft voice caressing each word, her lips in a tiny, soft smile. How could Jasper feel guilty? Didn’t he know that a mother’s job was to worry? She did it constantly; worrying for her children, for Carlisle, for Bella. Jasper had nothing to do with the strain and worry he must have felt rolling of Esme’s being.

Of course he was going to be distant. The aura of hostility and loathing had been -if not worse- no easier for him than for Esme. He had to escape somehow. She didn’t blame him in the least for trying to escape the house. She had walked among its hate-clouded rooms for far too long-which was exactly why she was sitting outside in the autumn air. She had nothing to do but worry, since her free time had left far too much time for gardening -all her annuals and perennials had been trimmed, the flowerbeds weeded, and countless other garden chores finished before her spare time ran out-, and she decided she may as well get some fresh air as well. “I don’t blame you, Jasper. . . I know Jane and Edward’s constant bickering and loathing is worst on you. . .”

[jasperhale]

“It’s okay, honey. None of this is your fault. I’ve just been worried about. . . Other things. Of course I forgive you. How could I not?”
Jasper smiled.Is this what having a Mother was really like?Someone Who would always be
there for You , never truly seeing any faults?
It's not that Jasper didn't see Esme as His Mother.He did.Yet Jasper always felt like He was still an outsider in this family , after all these years.He had a hard time feeling accepted , even though He had been the day He first walked through the door.
Jasper's real Mother..He couldn't remember what She was like.Yet Jasper pictured Her like Esme.Who wouldn't want Esme as Their Mother?

"It's been hard , I guess.In a way , this 'gift ' is more of a curse.Their constant arguing just makes Me want to run until I can't feel it anymore.Yet that much hate..I'd have to run quite far."He paused for a moment , collecting His thoughts.
"Their hate is sort of absorbed into Me , which makes Me quite unsociable when They're near.That's why I've been keeping My distance from everyone , even Alice.Luckily , She understands why I like to keep My distance at times like this and She helps Me ."

"I could snap and take out that anger on someone .. anyone.Yelling at Them for no reason.Saying Things I wouldn't mean.It's horrible.Luckily none of Our family has ever had to experience that.And I don't want Them to.I try to control it and keep calm.Jane and Edward seem to enjoy testing My patience."
"And yet it has probably been just as uncomfortable to You as it has been to Me.I know how much You hate it when We all fight."

[/color][/font][/size]

[Esme Cullen]

"It's been hard, I guess. In a way, this 'gift ' is more of a curse. Their constant arguing just makes me want to run until I can't feel it anymore. Yet that much hate.. I'd have to run quite far. Their hate is sort of absorbed into me, which makes me quite unsociable when they're near. That's why I've been keeping my distance from everyone, even Alice. Luckily, she understands why I like to keep my distance at times like this and she helps me. . .” Jasper’s soft, sad voice faded away slowly, and he fell silent again, though the silence that pressed down on them was a comfortable one, one of contemplation and contentment. Even if Jasper was behind this, it was comforting either way. It was a welcome change from the constant worry that seemed to wander with Esme everywhere she went. Even gardening was no relief, and, with no outbuilding or renovation plans to take her mind off things, the worry was becoming more permanently lodged in her mind,

"I could snap and take out that anger on someone .. anyone. Yelling at them for no reason. Saying things I wouldn't mean. It's horrible. Luckily none of our family has ever had to experience that. And I don't want them to. I try to control it and keep calm. Jane and Edward seem to enjoy testing my patience. And yet it has probably been just as uncomfortable to you as it has been to me. I know how much you hate it when we all fight." Jasper’s musical voice broke the silence, and Esme absorbed his words with feeling. Of course it would be difficult all around, for such a controversial vampire to be accepted into the Cullen household wasn’t anything they -especially Edward- usually handled well. Even complete strangers weren’t accepted in Forks’ vampire community with such eager happiness. Rarely any, in fact.

Esme smiled tentatively. “I know, honey, I know. . . It’s difficult for everyone, especially Edward. Imagine your worst enemy decided to live in your house, tainting it with their feelings of hate, their thoughts of anger. . . It can’t be easy, but, until Edward and Jane can somehow -miraculously- sort out the issues, we’ll all be living like this,” She sighed, twining her long pale fingers together and untwining them in boredom. A leaf swirled from the forest on a light breeze, landing on the porch with a soft whisper, barely audible in the rustling leaves. [/color]

[jasperhale]

“I know, honey, I know. . . It’s difficult for everyone, especially Edward. Imagine your worst enemy decided to live in your house, tainting it with their feelings of hate, their thoughts of anger. . . It can’t be easy, but, until Edward and Jane can somehow -miraculously- sort out the issues, we’ll all be living like this,”
"Yes..It is pretty bad.And yet Jane wants Edward to accept Her - well enough so that They could at least be civil with each other.Edward's hate just increases whenever She attempts to shorten the gap between the two.I understand that He's scared about Her being near Bella , yet what about when Bella isn't there?"Jasper asked.

"In a way , I guess it's better for Vampires who don't have powers.Edward's got it worse than I have.I just get what someone else is feeling .Edward knows what's making Them feel like that..."


ooc//Yeah...brain went out the window , sorry that it's terrible.Tell Me if You have trouble posting .. -hands over brain cells (Hopefully working now) -

[Esme Cullen]

"Yes… It is pretty bad. And yet Jane wants Edward to accept her - well enough so that they could at least be civil with each other. Edward's hate just increases whenever she attempts to shorten the gap between the two. I understand that He's scared about her being near Bella, yet what about when Bella isn't there?" Jasper asked. Esme nodded, pondering this. She recalled her conversation with Edward, days earlier. . . He’d said that he still feared for Bella, even when she wasn’t near Jane. According to him, the worst part had been -and she remembered with piercing clarity how his soft, musical voice had sounded when he spoke of Jane; agonized, a pain and anger so sharp that it had stabbed her heart like icy daggers, twisting her heart up in a pang of grief and worry for her son- the worst part was hearing Jane’s thoughts, what she was willing to do with Bella. And her thoughts about their relationship. Esme shuddered delicately. It would be so horrible, so terrible, if someone thought of Carlisle like that. Analyzing the ways to kill her beloved husband.

She remembered when Edward had questioned her of being capable of such mind-consuming hate as he had for Jane. She had laughed: “Yes. . . More than you would think.” She knew that she was capable of such burning loathing. Mothers,by nature, are extremely protective and defensive creatures. Esme, though a vampire, was no exception. If anyone so much as harmed any of her children or Carlisle, she knew that she would morph into the most vengeful b_tch of the century. She was surprised that Edward hadn’t been able to see that. He should know the passion a mother has for her children.


"In a way, I guess it's better for vampires who don't have powers. Edward’s got it worse than I have. I just get what someone else is feeling. Edward knows what's making them feel like that..." Jasper spoke again, interrupting her thoughts. She smiled apologetically at him, knowing he was probably feeling waves of hostility and defensiveness emanating from her, and wondering why -his mother of all people- was feeling like this. “Yes, that’s why he’s not so ecstatic with the idea of Jane, even without Bella near. Because he has heard all the horrible things Jane planned to do with Bella, to kill her. . . Imagine if someone was feeling especially hostile and murderous toward Alice. You wouldn’t be so keen to forgive them. . .”

ooc;; it’s fine. =] -hands brain cells that are working-

[jasperhale]

“Yes, that’s why he’s not so ecstatic with the idea of Jane, even without Bella near. Because he has heard all the horrible things Jane planned to do with Bella, to kill her. . . Imagine if someone was feeling especially hostile and murderous toward Alice. You wouldn’t be so keen to forgive them. . .”
Jasper paused for a while to ponder this , although He easily knew what He would do.Alice was the most important person in His world -- No.Alice WAS His world.That was more like it.
For Alice , He'd do anything.And if something happened to Her .. Edward had quite a good idea about going to the Volturi.
Fear was spreading over Him (And probably affecting Esme too) just thinking about something serious like that happening to Alice.

Yet Alice was fine . No one was going to harm Her.Jasper would make sure of that.Slowly and surely Jasper started to calm down."Sorry about that..Your example was making Me think.Yet I understand . If something like that ever happened to Alice , I'd feel the same way.I'd probably want to kill Them for even trying to hurt Her.You would probably be feeling the same with Carlisle.I felt the hostility."He replied , smiling back at Her.

[Esme Cullen]

A heavy silence descended upon them as Jasper sat silently, listening to Esme's words. The thick blamket of silence suddenly became charged with an air of fear, of vengence. Obviously, Jasper had taken her words to heart. He was probably envisioning what someone who hurt Alice would go through at his hands. Esme sighed understandingly. All the things she wanted to do to Charles ran through her mind again. Now that she was so much stronger than him, vengence would be easy. . .

The surrounding air suddenly became quite calm. "Sorry about that.. Your example was making me think. Yet I understand. If something like that ever happened to Alice, I'd feel the same way. I'd probably want to kill them for even trying to hurt her. You would probably be feeling the same with Carlisle. I felt the hostility." Jasper smiled, the last muted fragments of his cadenced voice fading from the shattered silence. Esme laughed quietly, nodding in agreement. Yes, she decided, if someone ever hurt her Carlisle. . . That person would pay-dearly.

"Haha, sorry-I was thinking of Carlisle, and. . . Charles-" She barely forced the name out of her lips "-But I expect anyone would. It's that much worse for Edward. Unlike Alice, or Carlisle, Bella can't defend herself so easily against angry vampires."

[jasperhale]

"Haha, sorry-I was thinking of Carlisle, and. . . Charles-" She barely forced the name out of her lips "-But I expect anyone would. It's that much worse for Edward. Unlike Alice, or Carlisle, Bella can't defend herself so easily against angry vampires."
Jasper paused for another moment , pondering what Esme had said , taking every word in deeply.
Edward always knew what everyone else was thinking , Their private thoughts..and You could talk to Him , whether You wanted to or not.He knew anyway.
And yet...Edward rarely talked about Himself.What was wrong with Him , hardships . It made Him always seem distant , in Jasper's opinion.Edward wouldn't depend on people , yet People could depend on Him easily..

"I think I'm starting to get the picture now.Bella is here so much , I start to forget how fragile She really is.Edward...He thinks He can defend Her from everything by Himself , no matter how much pain it causes Him ,or anyone else.It's like He forgets that We can help Him and We want to.We're all in this together.."Jasper concluded about His thoughts .

ooc//-hands brain cells over-
Sorry I took Them so long.I couldn't get on the internet anywhere to post what the heck happened to Me.For all You knew , I could have ran off to the middle of nowhere to live in a cave for the rest of My life.
Yet My computer had just broken.For the third time...
Sorry that the post is a bit Bleh. [/size]

[Esme Cullen]

“I think I'm starting to get the picture now. Bella is here so much, I start to forget how fragile she really is. Edward...He thinks he can defend her from everything by himself, no matter how much pain it causes him, or anyone else. It’s like he forgets that we can help him and we want to. We’re all in this together…” Jasper said thoughtfully after some more silence; it wasn’t an awkward silence, but a companionable silence, one that encouraged thought, and made talking optional. It was the good kind of silence. The kind Esme enjoyed.

“Yes. . . He does seem to think that he’s fighting this battle alone. But he has support. He just doesn’t. . . acknowledge -or use- it,” She sighed, twining her dainty fingers together sadly. She wished there was some way to help her beautiful Edward. It killed her to see her only son suffering now that he had Bella. She was so good for him. . .

ooc;; it’s okay. =] i was beginning to worry, though. i was like, “OHMIGOSH, where‘d meh emma go?!” *cry* i was all alone!! *tacklehugs* =] anyhoo, -hands over school brain cells- they're way more efficient. =}[/color]

[jasperhale]

ooc//I'm really starting to run out of ideas here. Sorry!!

[Esme Cullen]

Me too. . . >.< *wails* Writers block is terrible, ain't it.